Started on 3.20.25, finished on 3.30.25

I generally go into books pretty blind, and this was an instance where that led to some confusion. To me, the title and subtitle of this book make it seem like it’s going to be a researched, informational nonfiction book. It’s 100% a memoir. Once I got past that surprise, I liked this book! It’s a really solid memoir by a trans author (and I now want to read her first memoir, which was the one that catapulted her to fame in 2003 and which I had somehow never heard of). I especially enjoyed reading her perspective as someone who transitioned 20-plus years ago—she has a lot of interesting things to say about the differences between the climate in which she came out and the current climate.

Click here to buy this book on Bookshop.org

My favorite quotes:

“And so this is what I’ve learned: it is perfectly easy to lose weight if that is the only thing you are doing, if you have a system for counting calories and getting exercise and never try to enjoy anything. Weight comes off slowly, and goes back on fast.”

“The model Kate Moss once said, ‘Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels.’ She’s since retracted that statement, but every woman I know understands what she meant.”

“Of all the untrue things I convinced myself of in early transition, I think the most harmful one was the idea that womanhood meant being little. In its way this idea does more damage even than the idea that womanhood means being pretty. Little sends a different message from pretty, of course. Pretty says, Judge me by my looks. Little says, I’m not even here. Little says, You don’t need to worry about me, because there’s not enough of me to challenge you. Little is an invitation to being ignored.”

“But the question of voice is one which many women have to consider, whether they’re trans or not. The terrible fact is that this little-girl mush talk actually can get you what you want, in some situations, with some people, usually men.”

“To succeed, rock-and-roll bands really ought to operate under a one-diva policy, same as in English departments.”

“My thought is that if you have a theory that does not bring kindness and compassion to people who are suffering, what you really need, more than anything else, is a new theory.”

“But surely there is more to female experience than horror and fear. Is it really so wrong to think that a woman’s experience is also about joy, and delight?”